This Is She

What do you do when you can't pull through? When every problem in your surrounding seems to be becuz of you When the yelling becomes normal and the curse outs are now formal What do you do when you can't have a hope Cuz everytime it seems good the bad just comes back and knocks you down Who do I call when I can't stop crying When my son gotta live in a malfunction and confusion is just all around us I wanna get out sooooooooo bad but the mistake is also my support system I don't know the first step In getting out of this situation But I have to because he is watching me. Watching me all of the time He is listening and feeling my energy. Rise up Queen. Wipe your tears. Block out those words, shake off this bad spell. And move the hell on.... Don't look back.

Who's gonna unbreak my heart now? Cuz after U left he came and fixed it And then he left and took a piece with him And now another one has come along same song same smile same heartbreak Same heartache over and over again  Like have you ever felt your heart when it aches? The internal pain u feel right in your chest that only a few can make U feel  When it hurts so bad u think that you will never find another love like this again I just wanna know who is gonna fix my heart back  Like where are? Where are you? Where are you????

As the days continue on and I sit quietly and watch myself grow as woman I've come to question the value of myself. What I will accept and what I will not accept. Not only with men but just with people in my life period. I see myself distancing away from certain situations that only end up toxic for me or just not ending with a smiley face. These days all I can think about are my goals and my dreams I still have set for myself and all my wants and needs. The need to be better for myself and my son are tremendous and what I will have around us is even more important to me. I'm more focused on Shay the business woman and less focused on Shay that wants to be in love all of the time. Excuse me if I put myself first, well actually don't excuse me because I mean to be absolutely selfish. There's very important things I have to take care of and get done. Been wasting too much time playing, time to put childish things away. 👌🏽

2:39 pm Music Inspiration Nobody's Business Rihanna and Chris Brown It's hard being in a relationship these days. Especially when it is borderline abusive. People really only think about the physical and forget all about the emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse that exist. I don't want to sound like the usual in love girl who's sticking by her not so nice all of the time knight in shining armor but I kind of am. Before you get into a relationship or even in the beginning of one you go through the tell me your life story process. We want to know what our significant other has gone through in life. Ultimately their ups and downs prior to meeting you will let you in on the person you are now dating. Well what if the downs they've discussed have now introduced you to an irritable over stimulated abuser. An abuser of any sort is not a good situation to be in and if in one no doubt you should leave. But who's to say that person cannot change? Is it impossible for ...

Going to bed with a heartache is like never seeing the sun set Like never getting your first kiss or never having your first love He tells me he loves me but he gives me the nighttime blues The blues that hurt the inside of you and make you cry yourself to sleep I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worse enemy, a heart break from love When everything about him is perfect or so it seems but that one itty bitty thing Like him making you cry or like him telling you love lies just messes it all up I want to stop crying. I'm really the love at first sight kind of girl A love a first sight that won't ever get right the only thing I get right Is the tears that fall at night From heartache that happens over and over like a patten I pick the wrong men. And I keep wondering what am I doing wrong? Is it me? Did I meet the one and I passed him by on the street? Was he in my class in junior high? Did I never look his way? Did he try to speak to me and did I just turn away?...

Why don't you tell me what it is that your looking for? Well I'm looking for a Bestfriend Someone I can kick it with tell my secrets to someone to be here through the thick and thin Why don't you tell me what your looking for I'm looking for a man. Someone to spend time with to love me to hold me to complete me like no one else can Why don't you tell me what you want? I want for someone to be different and not like all of the rest. Someone who stays no matter what the test. Someone who doesn't make me cry a person who does not lie The guy who knows the real me and handles situations almost perfectly. Gentle with his touch still loving with his heart firm with his spirituality and stands passionate only by her and only for her Why don't you tell me what your looking for? I'm looking for my king. I'm looking for the real thing. Stop the facade stop the games stop the charade. Stop the act. Stop the smooth talking, call you whenever I feel lik...

 It's so easy to tell our friends yea girl you should leave him alone. But why is it not so easy for us to do the same exact thing? If I think about the situation I am now and I think what if this was my Bestfriend? What would I say to her? How could she get out of this? It's almost disgusting to have so much advice for others but can't take your own advice and apply it to your real life. That's me. Disgusted right now. How dare I leave one relationship whom a man went crazy and irate to be with another man who snaps at the drop of a dime and says the most vulgar words a man could say to a woman. Many don't even know I let him treat me this way. Many people aren't even aware the levels there are to abuse. This isn't physical abuse. It's verbal and mental soon to be emotional abuse. It creates a stir in your psyche and causes confusement because you cannot understand how in the world you have allowed this to happen. How can you tell me you love me and the...

You are not the pain you gave to me You are far more than that Your mother did not show you the appropriate way to love a woman And that is why you so casually love and was able to hurt me I tried to be there for you, bared fruit for you and still you shattered my souls My heart undone, my heart that used to be whole is broken in half because of you A letter to my ex Do you even deserve that much? Lying and beating even misleading how do you deserve anything more than a look of hatred on my face A blackened soul that only came to light when I had my son You are the epitome of a great loss of love A failure of happiness The meaning of everything your mother tells you not to do and to stay from Lord I should have stayed away from you But how would I know my worth? How would I know that I am a true Queen A Beautiful Black Queen that will not take anything less that what she deserves A woman that sees her self value and instead of being angry, she is wise. She is wise an...

stimulate my mind guy See inside of me Don't be afraid to let me see the way you see inside of me He touches every part of me, not only physically But spiritually he caresses me, verbally and mentally A new understanding I gain Taking me away from the usual pain Reassurance of the Queen that I am Of the wife that I want to one day become, of the mother that I already am A son that I have to raise A father that he does not have My friend my confidant my king, or are you? Actually who are you? Cuz technically you are not even mine But when I spread my legs and you part my hips you are mine Belonging to me our souls intertwined By God we are married because we have made love An understanding that only we understand You say you don't want it to end and I think I don't want you to pretend Don't let this be like the rest, let this be real Let him be true and remain with me stimulating me senses Guy. Stimulate my mind. Stimulate my spirit. Cum and be one...